The Last Song
by LuKEN
Summary: Closing the book on Jack and Nina? Set two years after S3, obviously ignoring Nina's death. Fic in 6 parts, all chapters up and revisited incl. format changes.
1. track 1

**Part I**

The rental car moved slowly along the dusty road, its driver peering hard to recognize the signs at each turning, trying to make out the names of the paths. Eventually the car slowed down even more and he took another skeptical glance at the piece of paper in his hand. This was the place.

Casting another look through the windshield, he passed the turning and drove on until he found a good place to park, several hundred meters up the road, well out of sight. He estimated the risk of anyone coming by and wonder about the abandoned car at the side of the road, but what were the chances. And even if - he wasn't going to stay long.

He got out of the car and started walking, scanning the environment. He was more or less out in the open country, the terrain plain and the vegetation what you would expect it to be that close to the beach. The earth was sandy and loose, just a little wet from a recent rainfall. The evening was mild and relatively warm for the time of the year, and he felt comfortable just wearing shirt and jacket. He reached the turning he had just passed minutes before and continued on the small path leading away from it. He noticed tire tracks on the ground and looked around, checking for potential observers but found none.

There were only two other houses, both in comfortable distance, close enough not to feel isolated but distanced enough to secure a certain privacy. The next village with food stores and local people was at least a ten to fifteen minutes walk away and he had a hard time believing places like this really still existed. A few lonely houses, scattered at the beach, far off from any signs of mass tourism. Even during summer, in the middle of the holiday season, he couldn't imagine the place to be crowded or packed. If he still had a family he'd like to take them here. Seemed like the perfect place to relax and get away from everything. He could only guess what it must cost to rent one of these houses, but it was probably worth it.

Now the houses seemed empty and abandoned, the windows blocked and secured by wooden shutters. Reassuring one more time that there was no one anywhere near, he turned to the third house, the one he had been coming for. It was one-storied, with a flat roof and a wooden porch along the front and the sides, a few centimeters above the sandy ground. Here the windows weren't blocked and seemed to go out to all four sides, which worried him. He was easy to make out, hardly a challenging target. He approached the parked car next to the house, the definite proof of someone staying here, and duck down behind it. He had thought about waiting for dusk to fall, but ultimately decided it wasn't worth any more waiting. Now he reached for his gun and the cold steel in his hand calmed him a little bit, even though he knew that it wouldn't put him in any advantage in case he had been discovered already. He just had to hope for the best.

He quickly took the last steps to the house where he pressed himself up against the sidewall, seeking cover. He carefully moved alongside it until he stood next to one of the windows. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes for a moment. Was this finally the end of the road? Would he finally close the book on something that had been hunting him for the last seven years? An eternity.

He shook his head to clear his mind and opened his eyes. Another deep breath and he leaned in, taking a peek inside the house.

She was just coming through a doorway, wiping her hair with a towel while walking across the room. It was her. Jack pulled his head back and gasped. His pulse quickened and he could hear the somewhat faster beats of his heart. It was really her. His source had been reliable after all. He hadn't really been able to believe it, hadn't allowed himself to get his hopes up. During the flight and the long trip to this remote place, he had told himself over and over again what a jerk he was, taking all the exertions and risks, coming all the way just based on the testimony of an utterly dubious eye-witness. But it had been worth all the efforts and costs - it would have been worth ten times as much.

He had gotten confirmation this morning when he had talked to a local shop owner. All it took was to mention his nationality and how much he liked this country and particularly this region to coax the information he needed out of the man. Willingly he had told Jack about another stranger, a woman, American as well, who had been living out here in one of the rental houses at the beach, for quite some time already, all by herself. "People say she's an artist," the guy had told him, his voice almost whispering as if sharing a well-kept secret with Jack. It could well have been the truth, that woman could have been anyone. But Jack had instantly known, felt, deep inside, somehow, that this time he had found her. He hadn't been able to explain it and still couldn't, but he had been sure right away. And now, taking another peek through the window he got all the proof he could possibly need. It was her.

He watched her throwing the towel on a couch at the far side of an open room that seemed to make up almost the entire house. He assumed only the bath- and the bedroom were separated. Crossing the room in just jeans and a shirt, she arrived at the kitchen area which was mainly a bar with high chairs and a complete fitted kitchen alongside the wall to his left. Somehow confused he watched her taking a glass from the sideboard and pouring herself some tap water after checking the temperature with her index finger. She took a big sip and stood then for a moment, steadying herself with one hand on the sink and looked out of the window in front of her that viewed the rough beach panorama.

From his position Jack could only see her back and a vague idea of her profile, but for a moment there, he could imagine her face expression. Her green eyes filled with something he had never really been able to grasp. A blaze and intensity that had once fascinated him, a deep longing that at times had aroused him and at other times scared him, because of the awareness that he would never be able to satisfy it. And suddenly he knew what it was that startled and confused him about her appearance. Watching her turning around and walking back to the couch, her bare feet stroking the shiny wooden parquet, her figure melting in with the room, he felt set back in time and trapped somewhere about seven, eight years ago. In her casual clothing and this homelike scenery, she wasn't Nina the traitor anymore, the woman who had sold out everything and everyone, the monster who had killed his wife and taken everything from him that had given his life a meaning. In this strange moment she was just Nina again. His partner. Supporter. Friend. Lover.

And as fast and sudden as realization struck him, he was hit by a tidal wave that threatened to drown and suffocate him with guilt, grief and anger. How could he let himself think that way, feel that way, even for the shortest instant? How could he forget? How could he just for the tiniest fraction of a second not see her as the evil, despicable creature she was?

He turned away from the window and leaned back against the wall, finding himself short of breath and covered in sweat. He closed his eyes, trying to get a hold of himself. _Alright, it's not the first time that happens. Get yourself together, Jack. _

It was true, it wasn't the first time. In their recent encounters there had always been moments when he had been forced to remind himself of who she really was. Flashbacks of the plane from Visalia. _What are we gonna do, Jack? _The words echoing in his head just like they had back then. _We. _How close he had been to let old memories take over, slip on the past they once had shared, way back in another, distant life that he had believed in but which had turned out to be nothing but lies, fake and betrayal. But his anger and rage had always been strong enough to put him back on track. _And it won't be any different this time either_, he told himself. _Except for that this is gonna be the last time. _

The sound of an opening door brought him back. He quickly turned around again, just in time to see her walking out on the porch. _Oh yes. This time, this is really it. _


	2. track 2

**Part II**

So here they were again. Back in old familiar places. She felt the barrel against the back of her head and she knew it was him.

She had known right away. She had stepped out on the porch, a few steps from the door, just a bit to the right, to look over the ocean and await the marvelous view of the sunset. Lost in her thoughts she had been startled by a sound that was as familiar to her as the sound of her own voice. A gun being cocked. Her body had tensed out of reflex, an instinct that came naturally, but she hadn't moved. Staring straight ahead she had heard the footsteps, felt the vibrations on the wooden planking when he had approached her, and finally felt his breath stroking her neck when he had stepped into position behind her. Her eyes had shut closed and when the metal had been pushed against her hair and the sensitive skin on the back of her head, her features had convulsed. And this time the gun wasn't shaking in his hand.

For what seemed like an eternity they stood in silence and it seemed to hang so thick and heavy in the air, ready to be torn apart by the echo of a gunshot. But the longer it lasted the more the background sounds of the wind and the ocean returned. The tension in her facial expression eased and she opened her eyes. She felt the wind in her hair, pulling her shirt, touching her with cold fingers where her skin wasn't covered. She felt the chill and shivered.

"So," she finally said, gathering her strength back, her voice bearing a sarcastic undertone. "Are you gonna do it, Jack?"

"Turn around," he ordered, his voice low and menacing. She hesitated and he repeated, yelling now: "Turn around!" She felt his iron grip around her neck, spinning her around and forcing her towards the door, the gun still at her head. At the threshold he gave her an extra push and she literally flew inside, hitting the parquet floor, landing on her hands and her side.

"Hello, Nina," he growled, stepping over her, the gun pointed at her face. "I promised you to stop by some time."

Slowly and carefully she pulled her hands out from underneath herself and stretching them out to the sides, she worked herself in a slightly more comfortable position. Lying on her back then, showing her empty palms to Jack, she met his gaze. Something about his face expression was different. The anger and the hate were still there, his teeth gritted, his eyes targeting her and seeming more of a threat than the gun itself. But there was something else. The wildness and excitement seemed faded and less prevailing, and instead she noticed a layer of cold serenity. He seemed frightening calm.

She remembered all the times they had been here before, all the times he had had her at gunpoint. CTU's subterranean garage, where he had pulled her out of her car and shoved her up against the backdoor, his face displaying anger and pain, but still a trace of disbelief. The interrogation room, where he had fired two bullets, missing her head merely by centimeters and then put the gun at her temple. No more disbelief, no more pain, his eyes burning with sheer hatred and despise. Enough to make her believe it was going to end right there and then. Visalia, where she hadn't seen his face but felt the burning desire his whole body had radiated, the infinite craving to kill her and find his revenge and inner peace. And finally the CTU control room. Looking into his icily staring eyes it felt like yesterday.

She had just managed to escape from the clinic and dragged herself down here. Weak from the drugs and the blood loss she started working on the controls, trying to ignore the state she was in. The blood-stained shirt, the makeshift bandage the doctors had just managed to put in place where the needle had punctured her jugular. Before she had killed them. Not the best way to express her gratitude for saving her life once again. _Look where it got you. Is this how you wanted it all to end? _She pushed the thoughts aside. _Nothing's gonna end here. You can get yourself out of here. _Somewhat more determined she focused on her problem with the security lockdown, when she noticed a motion out of the corner of her eye. The voice came as a shock. She had been prepared for anyone to show up, but not for her. Slowly she turned around to face her and all the memories that brought along.

"Kim," she said, her own voice calm and steady, but rather from tiredness and exhaustion than anything else. "Just walk away from here."

The sight of her standing there, a gun pointed at her, brought back everything Nina didn't want to surface again. Flashbacks of herself pointing the gun at Kim's mother, hesitating for a moment, then pulling the trigger on Teri. Trying to detect a feeling, a notion of guilt or remorse or even satisfaction but finding nothing. _It was just a necessity. _

Just like it would be a necessity now to kill her daughter as well. If she wanted to live. Cause Kim's eyes told her she wouldn't just back off and leave. And Nina wanted to live. It was the one thing she always knew, no matter how hopeless and muddled things got. She wasn't quite sure herself what exactly she was holding on to so hard, but that didn't stop her. Everything within her, every single nerve inside her body told her to go on. And so she did, had always done. The one priority to stay alive, regardless of the cost.

She slowly began to walk towards Kim, the hand with her gun dangling lifeless, suddenly seeming way too heavy to lift.

"Kim, please. I don't wanna hurt you." The words coming slowly but insistently, she wasn't sure anymore if she meant them. "Just walk away. You don't wanna be any part of this."

Kim shook her head, her face displaying fear, but also anger and determination. She was so much alike her father. _But she's not gonna shoot you. _Nina took another careful step and examined the young women in front of her. She noticed a wet glance in Kim's eyes, the way her entire body was tensed and alerted and the pale white of her fingers where she clenched the gun. No, she wasn't gonna shoot her. There wasn't that much of her father in her yet.

Letting her gaze slip down for an instant, Nina realized a thought forming in her mind, and the realization of its nature struck her with surprise. _I don't wanna do this anymore, I'm too tired. _Startled she looked up again and met Kim's eyes, trying to push the thought way back to where ever it came from. This was not the time for weakness. _If you wanna do it, do it now_, she ordered herself. Wondering if Kim had noticed the slight change in her expression, she was just about to raise her arm when her eyes caught sight of something else.

Kim's gun didn't have the safety catch off. She must have forgotten to release it or maybe she had no idea how to use it in the first place. Nina's mind ran at full power. This put her back in control again, and as easy as that she shook off the weakness and distractions. Slowly she lifted her gun, giving Kim enough time to react. _Let's see how tough you really are, little girl. Could you shoot me? Could you really kill me?_

Kim swallowed hard, her eyes wide open, fear and panic written all over her face. She didn't start shaking, the gun still resting steadily in her hand, but she was paralyzed.

_No, you couldn't_, Nina thought when her gun was leveled with Kim's head and sighed inwardly.

"Look, Kim," she started but was interrupted by Jack's entrance.

"Nina," he yelled, holding the gun with both hands and aiming for her head. His voice was edgy and determined but failed to hide the underlying note of terror. "Drop it!"

She gave him a quick side glance to locate his exact position but stayed focused on Kim. "Can't do that, Jack. I am not willing to die yet," she answered in a somewhat relaxed, nearly amused tone. "But if you think you can take me down without giving me the time to pull that trigger and put a bullet through Kim's head - then give it a shot."

Kim stared back at her in horror and disbelief but finally managed to turn her head to where her father was standing. "Dad?" she asked, her voice brittle and shrill.

"It's alright, sweetheart," Jack tried to calm her down, taking a step closer towards both of them.

"Don't come any closer, Jack," Nina warned him, taking a step herself and closing in on the distance to Kim.

Jack stopped immediately, cast a reassuring look at Kim and quickly turned his full attention to Nina again. "It's two guns against one, Nina. Not your best odds."

"Actually it's one on one. Kim here forgot to cock her gun and if she does as much as blink at the safety catch now I will shoot her right away. Is that understood?"

Kim stared at the gun in her hand, the note of terror in her face increasing even more. "Dad?" she called out again, louder this time, the strength of her voice feeding on panic.

"It's okay, honey. Just don't move."

Nina couldn't allow herself to take her eyes from Kim, she had to stay focused, but she could practically see Jack's face expression. How he clenched his teeth and pressed his lips together, his eyes wild with rage and fury. Threatening the life of his daughter was probably the last thing you could do to him. Everything else had already been taken from him or been lost over the years. And she knew he blamed her for most of it. If not all of it.

She knew him better than anyone. He should have taken her down right when he came in, but he had been forced to take a few steps into the room to have a chance on a clear shot. And those seconds had been enough for him to grasp the situation with all its implications. And now, despite the fact that everything inside of him was aching to pull that trigger, he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't risk Kim's life. And when he spoke the frustration in his voice was unmistakably.

"What do you want, Nina?" _What do you want now?_

"I just wanna get out of here alive," she explained, accentuating the words very carefully. "So I suggest you put your gun down, Jack," she urged and added a sharp: "Now!"

"No way," Jack answered, his voice dangerously low.

"Well, then we are in a bit of a dilemma here," she concluded sarcastically, still not taking her eyes off of Kim. He didn't answer and she could feel his burning glare on her.

"Look, Jack," she tried somewhat more neutral and calm. "I have no interest in hurting Kim and right now I don't even have the time to bother about you. I just wanna get out of here."

Jack's silence told her that he was reconsidering. There was no way he would ever trust her, but he also knew that she wouldn't do anything that didn't serve her interests. At least she hoped that he was rational enough right now to make that assumption. Otherwise her chances of making it out alive really weren't good. Kim was not a threat, but Jack would definitely not let her get away again. Not after this. Not after threatening Kim, threatening to take his daughter as well.

"If you wanna walk, walk, but I won't put my gun down as long as you're aiming at my daughter," Jack finally said.

"And we both know as soon as I don't, I am dead. I wouldn't make it out of this room."

"Then maybe you should stay."

"We are running out of time, Jack," she yelled angrily. "Any moment someone can walk in here and we both now what happens then, so let's settle this as long as we're still in control of it."

She couldn't help but taking a quick glance at him. The scenario of someone coming in and starting to shoot or maybe just causing Kim to make a sudden movement just had to convince him that he couldn't play this on time. She recognized realization in his face and turned back to Kim, satisfied. She was there half the way.

"Put the gun down, Jack," she urged again but this time with the slightest undertone that almost sounded like a pleading. She attributed it to her exhaustion and tried to sound more determined as she continued. "I got nothing to lose here."

_But you do. _The words hang unuttered in the space between them and finally he seemed convinced. She could only imagine how hard he had to force himself to let his left hand slip off the gun. She almost expected another hissed threat, menaces filled with hate and fury, but there was nothing left to say and he remained silent. Slowly he lowered his right arm and Nina had to struggle herself, not to glimpse but keep her eyes on Kim, prepared in case he would change his mind. When he finally bent his knees and placed the gun on the ground, painfully slow, she heaved a mute sigh of relief.

Reluctant he straightened up again and after a short hesitation kicked the weapon over to the far side of the room where it landed somewhere in the dark behind her. He stood, completely at her mercy and helpless - again. She was holding all the trumps. Their eyes locked.

She stepped aside to have both of them in front of her and aimed at him. "Kim, I want you to drop the gun and walk over to where Jack is standing," she ordered and Kim, seemingly relieved, let go off the useless weapon in her hand. It dropped heavily to the ground and Kim started moving. "Slowly," Nina reminded her, her eyes still on Jack.

Kim forced herself not to fly into her father's arms, but in the end she couldn't hold back any longer. "I'm sorry, dad," she cried and hid her face against his chest. "I couldn't....". Jack put his arms around her and stroked her hair while still glaring at Nina, his look a killing glance.

While she quickly picked up the gun and removed the ammo she suddenly became aware of the shrilling alarm again and the danger she was still in. It couldn't take too long before someone else would find the same way Jack and Kim had and come down here.

"On your knees, both of you," she ordered quickly, her voice harsh. Reading Jack's face expression she added: "If I wanted to shoot you I could have done it already. Just do it."

Reluctantly Jack let go of his daughter and gently forced her to turn around. Kim didn't look up, just got down on her knees in silence. Jack followed her slowly, fighting the temptation to push Kim out of the way and launch an attack.

"Get your handcuffs out, Jack, and then chain your right wrist to Kim's left." Hoping that would slow him down in trying to follow her, she watched him reaching behind his back and returning his hand with the set of handcuffs. Clenching his teeth even more he did as she had ordered. She could tell that everything in him ached to jump to his feet and go after her, and she knew this time no one would be able to stop him if he got a chance on her. And most likely no one would even bother.

_Why don't you shoot him? What are you waiting for? For him to turn the tables on you once again? Don't waste another chance, it might be your last! _

Their eyes locked again and she pushed the thoughts aside. A shot would jeopardize everything. If she didn't have to, she wouldn't take the risk of alluring any more attention. _Now get out of here!_

She took some quick steps back and resumed working the controls with her left hand while covering Jack and Kim with the gun in her right. She had to work quick and the fact that she had to be careful not to leave Jack out of sight didn't make things easier.

"You can't suspend the security alarm, Nina, and if you play around with the power supply all exits will still be sealed until the system is up again and running on normal status. You aren't that good."

She glimpsed at him without batting an eyelid. She had thought about this herself but luckily remembered something Milo had once explained to her. So instead of wasting time on the fruitless effort to shut down the alarm program she manipulated the system to trigger a fire alarm, which would spark off even more alert programs and hopefully lead to some confusion, but most importantly overwrite the sealing.

When the sprinklers started Jack looked up to the ceiling in surprise. Facing her again she met him with the familiar superior smile. "Now CTU is very much in favor of detaining its own people in case of a security issue, but they wouldn't go as far as killing them." She glanced around and caught sight of Jack's gun, just a few steps behind her. Quickly she moved further back and picked it up and slipped it into her waist-band. Keeping her right arm with the gun directed at Jack she started moving and passed the two of them, turning around and walking backwards.

_I will kill you_, Jacks eyes seemed to scream. _I will hunt you down and I will kill you. _And she knew he would. Just like she had known it last time, three years ago when he had left her with a bullet wound but alive, making her realize she would never be safe again. _Now you can go and find yourself some place safe_, he had whispered into her ear. _But I will find you and I'll make sure we'll have some quality time just the two of us. _

But three years had gone by without any sign of him and she had started to fool herself that he might have given up. Until he had shown up at the auction today. She cursed herself for not leaving right away and even more for not taking her chance later and killing him when he she had had him restraint to the chair, her gun at his forehead. But she had tried to win some time to figure things out. If him being there really meant she was dead meat. If there was another way out, any way actually. And now she would undoubtedly curse herself again for not shooting him right here. She took a quick glance at Kim who met her gaze, her eyes filled with the same kind of regret. _Why couldn't I shoot the woman who killed my mum? Why could I shoot Gary Matheson but not her? _

There were definitely too many death wishes in this room, Nina thought as she reached the door.

"Kim," she said calmly. "I know your dad has the burning desire to get up and come after me, but if you know what's good for him, you and the rest of the CTU staff, you should convince him to take the other door and leave this room the same way he entered it."

Meeting Jack's eyes for a last time she leaned closer to the door, trying to make out if there was anything else than the sound of the alarms. Not being able to distinguish the noises she just had to hope for the best. There was only one way out for her. Still facing Jack she opened the door just a bit and counted to three before she turned around and stepped out on the corridor.

That was now two years ago. Two long years since she had been hasting down the CTU corridors, trying to make her way out of the building, alive. She had tried to stop Jack from following her as best as she could under the circumstances, but she had been convinced he would come after her anyway. To her great surprise he hadn't. The door she had closed behind her hadn't been pushed open while she had rushed to the next corner, against her expectations. And contrary to her apprehensions she hadn't met a lot of resistance on her way to the closest exit. She had been out before CTU had been able to coordinate the chase after her in the chaos.

The days and weeks after that had been filled with constant arousal and adrenalin, anxiety and improvisation. Getting medical help had been the most urgent problem, getting out of LA and the United States the next one. It hadn't been easy, even for someone with such a good many of contacts, but she had managed, eventually. Jack hadn't been the only one with an interest in her death, something she had been well aware of. Accordingly only a handful of people had known the details of her whereabouts and escape routes and she had been eager to keep it that way. She had limited her contacts and actions, kept a low profile and carefully covered her traces. And at some point she had gone from passively to actively detaching herself from the world of terrorism and espionage, slowly but constantly. It had seemed the only way to stay alive and actually it hadn't really felt like hers anymore anyway. Selling out information and betraying all the things that didn't mean a thing to her anymore was one thing. But how the hell had she been ending up negotiating and dealing with a deadly virus? That had never been part of the plan. Somehow things had just taken on a life of their own, and she hadn't really noticed until that day in Mexico.

But now her past had finally caught up with her. Jack had caught up with her. Again.


	3. track 3

**Part III**

He looked down at her. He had noticed her shivering outside, but now she seemed calm again and in control. Her hair still wet from a recent shower, her face without a sign of make-up, she looked back at him and he couldn't quite grasp her expression. There was the familiar touch of superiority, the way she always made him feel like she was at least two steps ahead of him. But there was something else to it. Some kind of finality that hadn't been there before. She remained silent and when he lowered his gun another centimeter, targeting directly between her eyes she just closed them. Her face muscles tensed, but she showed no sign of resistance. He was taken aback. Sure, she had always reacted that way. Back then at CTU, in the car park, in the interrogation room. She had stated her argument and then just stared ahead, silently waiting for him to end it or someone else to stop him. And even in Visalia, on those stairs in the back of Faheen's store, she had played her last trump card, knowing he wouldn't shoot her from behind. She never struggled physically when there was no chance of success, she had never begged or pleaded. But she had other ways to resist, always being on alert, ready to take action, willing to wriggle herself out of the situation, to take any chance that might present itself. But he couldn't sense any of that now. Something was different, even compared to Visalia.

Seconds passed but they seemed to her like minutes. Why didn't he shoot? She wasn't particularly concerned about pain in general, she had dealt with her fair share of it. But the image of the bullet shattering her face filled her with horror, even though she told herself she wouldn't really have the time to feel anything. Her brain would be smashed before it had a chance to transmit and decode the information coming from her nerve tracts. Still that didn't really comfort her. As much as she had always been able to let her ratio steer and prevail over her emotions, she didn't succeed now. Her heartbeat quickened, her mind screaming out: _I don't wanna die that way! _

He observed her chest falling and rising heavier under her breath. Her features cramped and her head shifted slightly, revealing the fear that was washing over her. Not panic, just fear. Still he didn't feel the satisfaction he would have expected. _Why wasn't she fighting? _

"You don't have anything to offer, Nina?" he asked mockingly. "No bargaining? No deals? Nothing to sell?"

His sneering remark made her open her eyes and stare at him, her face a mask of fearful expectation and perplexity. She tried to read his mind like she had done countless times before, but maybe for the first time ever she couldn't. What was he up to? Instead she noticed realization on his face. He knew it. Looking down at her with a sneer, he saw her confusion and it satisfied him, more than her fear.

His smile intensified and the humiliation seemed more than she could take. Furiously she pulled her leg up, sweeping away his left knee and making him tumble down while she pushed herself away from him. Still on her back, propped up on her elbow and her hands and breathing heavily she glared at him.

"Come on, Jack. Get it done!" she yelled, her voice shaking with fear and anger.

He had rolled around and was lying on his right side now, the gun still in his hands, pointed at her. But the sneer was gone, his face marked by alert and the slightest note of surprise. _Why didn't she go for the gun? _

Why hadn't he pulled the trigger? Was his desire for revenge so intense that he wanted to prolong her suffering as much as possible? Was his hate so big that he needed to see her in humiliation and fear before he could finish her up? _I'll make sure we'll have some quality time just the two of us. _A shiver ran through her spine, exactly like the time when she had heard the words for the first time and thought about the implications.

"What are you waiting for? What the hell are you waiting for?" she screamed at him, anger getting the upper hand over her fear.

He couldn't help but just staring back at her, trying not to show his puzzlement. Why wasn't she fighting back? Why wasn't she trying to play him, manipulate him, offer him anything just to save her skin? That was what she always did - putting herself into a position where he couldn't lay a hand on her. And even if there was nothing to bargain about anymore, she wouldn't just give up.

Carefully he got back on his feet, straightening up, constantly aiming at her. He was convinced that she hadn't had any useful information before she had escaped from CTU. But she had been aware that pretending to have such information was her only chance to evade his revenge - regardless of the implications. Torture. It struck him as ironic. They had tortured her to get information she never had. They had thought they could break her while she had been in control all along. Even in her lowest moment, under the humiliation of being brought back to CTU, facing prison again or worse, his revenge, she had been playing them, giving them the satisfaction of torturing her. Because it was in her interest. That was how far she was willing to go. So why didn't she try anything now?

"What do you want, Jack?" she tried again, highly irritated by his silence. Maybe he wanted her to plead with him. Beg for her life. She surely wouldn't get him that last satisfaction! He could mock her, humiliate her and he could and doubtlessly would kill her - but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her beg!

His eyes wandered off her face for a split second and down her body but returned quickly to meet hers again. Yeah, what did he want? What was irritating him so much? She simply didn't have anything to offer anymore. There was nothing she could do to stop him from killing her and she knew it. So why was he hesitating now?

"The truth, Nina," he finally answered.

She stared at him in disbelief. "The truth about what, Jack?" she asked, her voice filled with reluctance, not sure where this was heading.

"About everything. For once in your life I want you to tell the truth."

She kept her incredulous stare up for a while longer and then it was her turn to break into a mocking, sneering smile. She closed her eyes and bent her head back, laughing soundlessly.

"What's so funny?" Jack growled.

"I don't know, Jack," she answered, looking up to the wooden ceiling above her. She sighed. "So what, we're gonna sit down and have a little chat before you put a bullet in my head. Is that what you had in mind?"

"If you need to sit, sit," he answered, his voice still low but somewhat calmer.

She lifted her head and glanced at him skeptically. He looked at her steadily, that same serene expression on his face she had noticed earlier. He seemed serious about this. Slowly she pushed herself a little bit further away from him and came into a sitting position. Her instincts kicked back in and told her not to do anything that could provoke him. She collected herself from the floor and got up on her feet. Giving him another glimpse she took a step towards the couch, but he stopped her.

"Not the couch," he said and pointed to the kitchen bar.

She lowered her gaze for a moment, as if trying to hide her amused face expression. Not like she had any weapons hidden under the cushions.

He backed up to keep a safe distance as she walked over and seated herself on one of the bar stools. He laid his hand on the other one, pulling it away into the middle of the room to avoid having the table between them. Leaving enough space he took a seat as well, lowering his gun and supporting his hand on his hipbone. She placed her hands on her thighs and raised her eyes again, looking at him coolly.

"So what do you wanna know, Jack?" she asked condescendingly, trying to maintain her superiority.

"Why, Nina? Why did you do it?" he replied, ignoring her provocation.

"Because it paid well," she remarked dismissively.

"Cut the crap, Nina. I said I want the truth."

She looked at him in surprise, bending her head slightly. Suddenly he cared? "I don't have a cause, Jack. I don't believe in anything," she replied mockingly. _Weren't those your words?_

She gave him a challenging look but he remained silent, sustaining her gaze. She reconsidered. "Alright," she said, suddenly feeling the tiredness again that enclosed her, pressing heavily on her shoulders, sneaking up into her spine and her limbs. "I just couldn't do it anymore."

"Couldn't do _what_ anymore?"

"Pretending to believe in what I was doing. Telling myself I was on the _good side_, doing the _right thing_," she explained contemptuously.

"What was so wrong about it?"

"Let's not turn this into a philosophical debate," she repelled. "Serving your country, helping people, fighting evil...", she shook her head scornfully. "I know you still believe in all that crap, Jack. Well, I don't. I stopped somewhere along the way."

He scrutinized her face expression, trying to figure out if this was really her being honest with him. Her look was filled with contempt and she seemed suddenly tired and exhausted. Almost surrendered. For a second he was inclined to believe that he was witnessing a sign of vulnerability, a moment of honesty. But then he remembered.

The flight back from Visalia. He had let them bring her up to him to talk to her, and she had made him believe that she didn't know what to do to make Faheen talk, looking exactly like now. Weak, tired, almost surrendered. And then the heartbreaking plea, the appeal to his weakness. _What are we gonna do, Jack?_ Only minutes later she had brought Faheen to telling her the location of the bomb, right before she had slashed his throat and watched him bleed to death in front of her.

He smiled cynically at the memory. If there was one thing he had learned it was never to fall for her games again.

"And what exactly was so much better about being a traitor?" he asked sneering.

She observed the change in his face expression and comprehended his line of thought. "I never said it was better," she explained, her face turning cool and determined again, wiping away all traces of vulnerability. "But it was far more challenging than my _desk job _at CTU and as I said: the payment was much better."


	4. track 4

**Part IV**

She turned her head away and looked out of the window, trying not to let him see her anger. Bad enough she had shown her weakness so openly. How could she get so weak in front of him? What was wrong with her? What were they sitting here for anyway? It was way too late for talking.

Examining her profile like he had done for what felt like a million times, he tried to come clean with himself. Was he really expecting her to be honest with him? Did he really believe this could help to solve the mystery he hadn't been able to get to the bottom of for the last seven years? Wasn't he just stalling?

"What was it with you and Faheen?" he asked.

Her head spun around and he could tell by her face that it was the last question she had been expecting. He had caught her off guard and she knew it. She tried to hold her ground but in the end she turned her eyes away from him. Just for a second but long enough for him to feel comfortable.

"What about him?" she replied, meeting his gaze again, standing firm now. "He's dead. You were there."

"You said you didn't wanna meet him because you were afraid he would shoot you. But I went over the footage we got from your camera and from what I could tell he wasn't that much of a threat to you, Nina, was he? In fact he seemed quite relieved to see you out and alive. What exactly did you tell him anyway?"

"Look, Jack, you told me to lie to him, so I did," she stated dismissively.

"Yeah," he said and there it was again - the sneering smile in his face. He knew. He knew what she had told Faheen. Of course he did. If he had taken the time to watch the video footage he wouldn't have missed getting hold of a transcript.

"I have no problem believing that everything you said was a lie," Jack continued, "but I think it actually meant something to him." He examined her closely while he continued. "Was he in love with you?"

He was looking for some kind of confirmation, signs of unease or discomfort. But instead she lifted her chin up and folded her arms, breaking into one of her superior, triumphant smiles.

"So that's what this is all about?" She tilted her head. "Why don't you ask me what you really want to know then?"

He understood the implication but decided to ignore it. "I asked about Faheen," he repeated instead. "He seemed very caring and even more disappointed when he found out that you'd sold him out."

She made a disappointed face and shook her head lightly, maintaining her smile. "Because he was planning to detonate a nuclear device, remember? I was just trying to help."

"Right."

"Actually I was, Jack. It was in my very best interest to stop that bomb and if you wouldn't have interfered things would have run a lot more smoothly."

Anger washed over his face but she just returned his gaze coolly.

"Interesting. Especially with the thought in mind that you helped setting up that bomb."

She sighed. "I told you - I never knew what the endgame was."

"Right. And you didn't know they were gonna bomb CTU either. _You just sold the plans."_

"Exactly." Of course that was a lie and she could tell he didn't believe her. Hell, she hadn't believed her own lie for a second even though she had tried so hard. No one had told her what they were gonna do, but when they had asked her for the plans to the building it hadn't been that hard to figure out. And a part of her had accepted it as a fine solution, bombing away the last attachment to her old life, to everything she'd left behind while she had held on to her lie.

"Anyway," she said unfolding her arms, "this isn't really getting us anywhere." Determined she slipped from her stool and took a stand, defiantly glaring at him.

Slowly getting up as well, Jack lifted his arm and leveled the gun with her head.

"What, Jack?" she yelled angrily. "You're gonna shoot me? We've been waiting for you to pull that trigger for the last seven years. Now do it or get that fucking gun out of my face!"

That threw him so completely, he could only stare back at her. She was right. He had been waiting for this all these years and at times it had been the only thing keeping him going, keeping him alive and sane. And now he was standing here finally in the position to take his revenge without any consequences other than her death. And wasn't that the whole point? For her to die? And if not, what was he doing here?

She tried to hide her own surprise, ignore the question where that apparent death wish came from that had made her challenging him like that. But what confused her even more was his reaction. He was standing as still as she was, just staring at her without as much as blinking. There were no signs of a struggle, none of the familiar indications. His hand was steady and not even overly clenched, he wasn't sweating and his breath seemed neither bated nor quickened. And there was this strange serenity to his face that she had noticed earlier but still couldn't really fathom. He almost seemed casual.

Still glaring at him angrily she backed off and slipped back on her stool. She had to calm down and get a grip around the situation that she felt more and more getting out of hand. _Focus! _After all, she was still alive. She needed time to figure this out. T_o do what exactly then? Whom are you kidding - time won't get you anywhere. It never did in the past and it won't now either._

"Why don't you save us some time and disappointment and ask what you really wanna know?" she urged him anyway, trying to play along until she could come up with something better. She didn't really see an alternative.

"Why didn't you kill us?" Jack finally asked. Still he hadn't moved but she found the sound of his voice somehow reassuring.

"Back at CTU in the control room," he clarified. "Why didn't you kill us?"

"I told you, I had no interest in hurting Kim." Her voice was steady and calm again and verified that she was getting back to her old self again. _And who's that exactly?_

"And me? Why didn't you kill me? Why didn't _you_ pull the trigger?" he pressed her.

She shook her head. "The shot would have given away my location. Someone would have heard it. And if not that, Kim would have gotten hysterical. I didn't need the attention."

"Bullshit, Nina. Your location was exposed the moment you triggered the fire alarm. You could have finished us of without letting it slow you down on your way out."

"Believe what you want, Jack, I told you my reasons."

"I don't want to believe anymore," he hissed menacing. "I want to know." His eyes piercingly urging her. "The truth."

She cast her eyes down. _Right. The truth._

Now what was the truth? She had been asking herself the same question over and over again. The truth was, she hadn't had the intention of killing Kim, not after she had noticed she wasn't a threat. And even with Jack there she hadn't been sure about how far she was willing to go. Would she really have gone through with it, taking Kim with her if Jack had taken his chances? Killed her too just to prove she was capable? Truth was, she didn't know. She didn't know now and she hadn't known back then. For the first time ever she had been playing her cards without knowing if she was bluffing or not. A risky game, especially with the stakes being that high. Luckily for her and Kim, Jack hadn't had any doubts she would be ruthless enough. Otherwise she would have died that night and they wouldn't be here now. And the truth was also that a part of her had already started not to care anymore. She had done everything she could to get rid off it, but here and now she had to face the fact that her efforts had been fruitless. Something inside of her had been broken and deep inside she had realized that long before Jack had shown up today.

She raised her eyes again to face him where he was standing with the gun in his hand, aiming at her. She met his gaze, her look filled with a sad derisiveness. "It's too late for the truth, Jack." It had been too late a long time ago.

"What do you mean?" he replied harshly, trying to find an answer in her features.

"This. Us." She finally gave in to her weakness, allowing it to take over. "The threats, the lies and deceptions. The mind games and the hate. There's no room for truth. And I'm tired of it."

Something inside of her released and she let go of everything. Holding his gaze she slipped off her chair again, slowly this time and somewhat indifferently. "I'm done playing, Jack. If you wanna shoot, do it. But don't ask me for something I can't give you."

He stared back at her, looking desperately for something he couldn't find, no matter how hard he tried. Shrugging her shoulders inwardly she lowered her gaze and bowed her head. She closed her eyes and took a careful step. And another one. And another one. Towards the door that Jack had never cared to close. With the vivid image of a bullet shattering her face still present in her mind, she didn't dare to look at him and just moved on. What the hell was she doing? How the hell did they end up here? She reached the doorstep and looked up against the marvelous panorama of the setting sun descending into the ocean just beyond the beach in front of her. Holding her breath she felt every muscle within her body tensing and running the risk of cramping. _Well, now we will know, won't we?_ She gathered all the strength that was left to her and took another step, over the threshold and out into the chilly evening.

He had followed her movements, his gaze alternately displaying disbelief and anger, his hand finally starting to clench the gun as if his life would depend on it and his arm eventually starting to shake. Reaching the doorstep she hesitated slightly and his features convulsed when the realization struck him. He couldn't do it. He simply couldn't do it.


	5. track 5

**Part V**

With a last painful glow in his eyes he lowered his arm until the gun was pointing at the floor. Watching her step out of the house, crossing the porch and approaching the water, his facial expression relaxed and eventually turned into a sad smile. The irony was mocking and far too evident. So many times he had fought the urge to kill her, struggled hard to repress the hunger to let her pay for everything she had done to him. Every time it had gotten harder and every time it had killed another little part of him. And now, finally being relieved of any restrictions, all the trumps in his hands, he found himself struggling for the exact opposite. He bent over and broke into a silent, despaired laughter. It hadn't been self-restraint that had made his hand shake, his finger hadn't refused to bend around the trigger because he had violently forced himself to keep it stiff. On the contrary. He had tried to bend that finger so hard, he had pleaded with himself so much, struggled to convince his confused and exhausted mind that this was what he really wanted - to pull the trigger and put an end to it. But he couldn't. After all these years he suddenly found himself incapable of killing her. There was just not enough hate and rage left in him to murder her.

Tears rolled down his cheeks and his body erupted under the laughter that he couldn't stop and he tumbled back onto the stool, resting his head between his hands.

The minutes passed by and he didn't know how long he had been sitting there and just stared on the ground, allowing himself to finally let go of everything. When his tears had dried and the laughter ebbed away, he felt his pulse had quickened and his forehead was bathed in cold sweat. He got up and toddled out of the door and onto the porch. Holstering his gun he took another step before he fell onto his knees and bent over, violently throwing up. Heavy contractions shook him as he relieved himself into the sand.

When his stomach finally realized it was empty he bent back, avidly breathing in the fresh air breezing over him from the ocean. He opened his eyes and squinted against the sun when he caught a glimpse of her silhouette. She was standing at the demarcation line to where the sand was still wet from an earlier flow, her arms wrapped around her shoulders, the wind playing with her hair. Wiping his mouth he got up on his feet and started walking towards her.

She heard him coming and couldn't help but tense. She let go of her shoulders and fiddled with her hands for a moment before she finally folded her arms, her gaze resting on the water. He emerged in the outmost periphery of her field of vision, moving up until he was on a level with her, still a gap of at least three meters between them though. She took a quick side glance at him, finding that he was observing the surf just like she had.

"I hated you so much," he said, his voice soft with weakness but strong enough to be heard against the wind and the ocean. "So strongly and urgently you will never even get close to comprehending just how much."

She turned her head slightly and raised her eyes at him, but he wasn't moving, still staring out over the water.

"I still hate you and a part of me always will. I will never forgive you for what you did." He paused to emphasize his words. "You took everything away from me that... ." He swallowed and it took him a moment before he could go on. "But killing you now won't bring Teri back. And it won't undo these past seven years just like it won't bring back anything I lost. I don't know why but it won't even make me feel any better." He paused again and sighed, observing the horizon. "You were right. It's too late."

She turned her head back and stared on the ground in front of her. Silence fell between them as she went back and forth in her mind, finally making a decision.

"I didn't kill you at CTU because I just couldn't, Jack." She stretched her shoulders and lifted her head as she continued, staring at the same horizon. "I would have done it that day you found out about me and I would have done it after Visalia. I didn't want to but what choice did I have. It was you or me and I wanted to stay alive. Since the day you found out I turned on you every decision I made regarding you was based on that. I know you can't accept that, but I won't be sorry for wanting to live. Not for that." _Everything but that. _

He still didn't move or showed any reaction and she took that as an encouragement. She still doubted he believed a single word of what she said, but at least she would have tried to give him what he seemed to have longed for so much. The truth. Finally. And maybe he would be able to recognize it as just that. Nothing more, nothing less.

"You said I don't believe in anything? You were right, I don't. Not anymore. I know I did once but that seems so far away - I can't even see why or exactly when it stopped. I just realized that we weren't better than most of the people we were fighting. We are doing the same things we are accusing them of, we just name them differently." She hesitated for a moment, wondering if he was even listening but not daring to look at him. "In the end we are all just doing what is best for us, what is in our interests. That's human nature. We will do whatever we have to and justify it in whatever way we can."

Eventually she glanced at him. "I know you will never understand that, Jack. You have your morals and your beliefs. Sometimes I envy you for that. Everything would have been different if I could just believe that...that there is a right cause. But I don't."

"No," Jack finally broke his silence. "The only thing you believe in is yourself."

"Well, ultimately that's the only thing I can hold on to. Face it, Jack, no matter how close you are with another person, you are still on your own. You should know. It doesn't matter how much you love someone or how much they love you back - there are certain things that can never be shared. In the end we are all alone, isolated in ourselves."

"Even if I believed you for one second," Jack replied, his anger still void of anger or even grief. "How does that justify that you killed my wife. Or anything you did."

"It doesn't," Nina stated. "I'm not justifying. I couldn't. But you wanted to know why and that's it. I'm not proud of it and a part of me is even appalled by it."

She was surprised herself by all these revelations, but it was as if once she had started the words just came so easily. As if they had been held back and locked away for far too long.

Jack was still not looking at her. He couldn't. Looking at her would inevitably resume the old pattern of mind-reading and self-protection, of getting in control or taking it over. He wasn't really comfortable with it, but for the moment he was actually convinced that she was honest with him.

"What about us?" he asked reluctantly and she sighed before answering.

"You've always been my weak spot, Jack. That's what made killing you so hard." She hesitated, not sure if he was ready for what was to come. But she figured it didn't really make a difference. "That's what made killing Teri so hard."

She waited for a reaction but there was none, at least not visible. "If Drazen would have contacted me a half year earlier, if the whole operation would have been a few months earlier..." She hesitated again. "It wouldn't have made a difference with us. I always knew you were going back to her. But when you finally told me you would move in again," she shook her head, still astonished by her past inability to bridle her emotions, "I was so jealous, I could have killed her right there without the slightest shadow of a doubt. But that day it was different." She shook her head and her gaze wandered about the sand in front of her. "I knew it would break you, Jack, but I just didn't see an alternative. It was me or her. You would have been able to track me down and my contact would have killed me if he had found out I didn't do everything to cover up any traces leading to him. I didn't have a choice. Not from my perspective."

Jack was surprised that he didn't feel anything at her words. He was trying to sense any of the old fury that had raged inside him for so long, but it was as if his earlier collapse had emptied him of every emotion, had washed out everything and left him with nothing. He wasn't even able to be disgusted by his own indifference.

"For being your weak spot you didn't seem to have a problem setting me up to get killed. After all that was the overall goal that day."

"In the beginning it was just to set you up for the murder of Palmer," she objected weakly. "And later on, there was no return. Besides..." She sighed.

"Besides what?" he urged.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Besides I was hoping they would settle my problem. I always knew that if I would ever make a mistake that would compromise me, it would be somehow connected to you. I should have gotten rid off you myself, but I couldn't. And I didn't. Not then and not later for the one or the other reason and here we are."

She looked at him but he wasn't showing any reaction and she had nothing more to say, so she turned her gaze back at the ocean and they both remained silent for a long time.

"Did you think I was going to kill you today?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. "I had no doubt you would. You seemed so calm and...I don't know, in control."

"Yet you challenged me several times. Did you want me to do it?"

"I don't know, Jack," she sighed tiredly. "At first I just wanted you to do it fast. Then I don't know anymore." She tried to come to an answer for herself. "Maybe a part of me. Yes. A part of me just didn't want to go on like that. Look where it got me." She gestured at their surroundings. "I don't even know what I'm doing here."

They fell silent again, watching the last sunbeam slowly fading away. The days weren't that long yet and soon it would be dark.

"I felt bad for leaving you," his voice cut through the silence. "And then I felt bad for ever touching you."

She couldn't help but comment. "I think that was a mutual feeling."

"And in Mexico, I didn't know which one of us I hated more. You for making me do that or me for..."

He hesitated. _For playing along_, she finished his sentence in her mind.

"...for wanting to feel something," he continued.

He could sense her head flying around and he met her baffled look with complete indifference.

"The smallest part of me wanted to feel something again. After all my life depended on it. And as much as I was trying I knew that you would feel I was lying. If you had been anyone else..." He shook his head. "So I knew it had to be real. That's how far I was willing to go."

She still stared at him in confusion, incapable of making sense of his remark.

"It was gone in a second though and you were right: I didn't feel a thing." He turned away again and let the wind stroke his face, closing his eyes. She examined his profile and he didn't seem angry at all, not even upset. Just as tired as she was herself, his face expression blank.

He opened his eyes to meet hers. "And now I feel nothing. Nothing at all. No hate, no anger, no disgust. Not even grief." He examined his insides one more time and shook his head as he found his statement confirmed. " I feel dead. Empty. I have nothing left to feel. You took that all away from me."

She instantly turned back to the water. She didn't know what to do with this. She had told herself that she could live with causing him all the pain and all the loss. She had never enjoyed it, but it had been inevitable and a necessary price to pay. But now she didn't know what to tell or think anymore. A part of her was just processing the latest information and noting the implications for her prospects of staying alive. After all that was what she had been struggling for all those years. And with his hatred and anger gone, she had a good chance of being safe. But she couldn't sense any relief. Instead something else suddenly seemed to cloud over her. Guilt.

He gave her a side glance and his eyes fell on the scar on her throat where she had slammed the needle into her jugular. Without thinking about it he turned to her, stretched out his hand and ran a finger over the uneven scar tissue. She hadn't seen it coming and jumped in surprise, her arm spinning around in reflex, grabbing his wrist tightly.

"What are you..." she started but didn't finish the sentence. _What are you doing_, she had meant to ask, but the look in his eyes had silenced her. She shivered. She hadn't seen him giving her that look since...well, all that time ago.

She shook her head in disbelief, still holding his wrist in a tight grip. "Jack." She had to be wrong. But she knew she wasn't. "It's not gonna..."

He brought his other hand to her face and laid a finger on her lips. She fell silent but her eyes pleaded with him, filled with pain and mostly fear.

He softly placed a second finger next to the first one and started traveling her features, stroking to the corner of her mouth and over her cheek, four fingers now, exploring every centimeter of her face. This was the last mystery that was left to solve. If she had been the one taking everything away from him, then maybe she was the only one who could give something back to him as well. Make him feel again, live again.

Still holding on to his other wrist she closed her eyes, shifting her head slightly under his tentative touch. She tried to force up enough strength to withdraw herself, but suddenly she couldn't come up with any convincing argument anymore. His fingers came to rest under her chin and she felt him leaning in, his breath on her skin causing her goose bumps. And when his lips found hers she felt too tired for any reason to not to give in to this to appeal to her.

It was a reserved, careful kiss. Like two fighters skipping around each other in the ring, trying to estimate each others strength. He withdrew himself and she pulled her head back and opened her eyes. He was looking right into them, trying to make out what was going on inside her while at the same time exploring his insides, seeking for anything to reveal his own state of being.

Her mouth still open she breathed heavily and looked at him interrogatively. And for a second that seemed to stretch out into eternity they were just standing there, motionless and turned to stone. Then he suddenly shot forward, freeing his arm from her now weakened grip and grabbing her head with both hands, pulling her close and kissing her hungrily. She staggered back and held on to him to hold her balance, doing nothing to fight him off.


	6. track 6

**Part VI**

She lay with her head and her shoulders propped up on the pillow against the bedstead, one leg pulled up and the other one stretched out on the sheet and watched him lying next to her on his back. His breathe still somewhat heavy but even now, his eyes closed. She remembered he had always had that somewhat uneased expression in his sleep, as if the pressure and the worries even haunted him there, not allowing him to let go and rest. And she felt the same old urge to stretch out her hand and stroke his cheek, touch his forehead lightly to comfort him. But she could still taste the guilt and so she didn't move. It wouldn't be appropriate.

Her gaze wandering over his features and his body she found herself stirring in old memories and comparing. She had never had reason to complain but he had never devoured her like this. She wished his desire had ever been that intense back then, when he had wanted her for being her or what he thought was her. Not like tonight when he had wanted her in sheer despair, for being the only one left to him, the only one to heal him. The sick irony of their history all over again. Of her being the one to be send to look after his family. Of her being the one to betray him. Of her being untouchable because of that. Of him wanting to find the bomb but endangering everything by forcing her to focus on and prioritize her own survival. Of him being the one to save her life when she had stopped breathing. Of her being his only chance yet again. And now this. How the hell was it supposed to end?

She let her gaze return to his face and found him just when he awoke. He opened his eyes and stared into space, the memories of the past hours rushing back to him. Moving his head and glancing at her, she expected to see a sign of disgust or regret in his face but found none. He just sighed and turned back again, pulling his arm up under his head, his expression as blank as hers.

For a long time they just lingered in silence that way and it felt less awkward than they would have expected. Suddenly he smiled at something. Somewhat sadly and regretfully, but there was definitely some sense of joy to it. She wondered what it was but didn't want to interrupt the silence. Instead he rolled over onto his side, his shoulders on a level with her chest. He propped his head up on his right hand while his left one started to travel her belly, tracing some of the scars she had obtained over the years. He remembered noticing them back on the plane with a sense of satisfaction at the pain she must have suffered, but now they just seemed milestones witnessing of her path through life. He was carrying the same marks on him and it struck him that remarkably enough none of the wounds they had inflicted on each other was as visible. They hadn't bothered to hurt each other in such a superficial way.

He leaned over and covered one of the biggest ones with a light kiss, lifted his head up again and stared down at it as if to see if there was any change. Then he moved on to the next one. And the next one. Covering her belly with kisses, burying his face in her damaged skin.

She observed his profile while he did so, placing a hand on his back and inevitably coming across on of his scars as well. She knew this wasn't to last. They both knew they would sooner or later have to deal with reality again. There was no way for them to be together in that way. Or any way.

She closed her eyes as he moved closer, devoting himself even more to his task, his hands wandering up her body. She moaned softly under his touch and moved her hand to his head, running her fingers through his hair. She knew he would leave her again. He would leave her behind and return to the remains of his life, hoping she would never get into his way again. But deep inside they both knew this wasn't her kind of life. Hadn't been last time either. She wouldn't be able to just sit around in her solitude, doing nothing until the end of days. She had come here to hide and sort things out and for a while she had actually enjoyed her new harbor. But she had started getting restless and she wouldn't fool herself - it wouldn't just go away and disappear. She was as isolated and abandoned as him or probably even more. At least he had his daughter and his work. Sooner or later...

She moaned again and pulled him up to meet his lips. To find not forgiveness but oblivion. And he gave it to her and to himself, realizing it was the last thing they could possibly do to each other. Right there and then. Later could wait. 


End file.
